Can You Fall in Love from a Distance?

Where once sparks flew in the pub, nowadays this increasingly happens online. The figures don't lie: one in three singles engages in online dating, and 14% of Dutch couples know each other through the internet (CBS). We swipe, like, and chat away in the hope of finding that one feeling: love. But how does falling in love actually work, and what is the wisdom in online dating? In this blog, we tell you more about it.

This is How Falling in Love Works

Science is still not entirely sure how exactly we fall in love. However, research shows that various neurotransmitters (chemical messengers active in the nervous system) play an important role in this process. Some key ones are:

• Phenylethylamine: provides endless energy and the feeling that you can conquer the world. It's no wonder that when you're in love, you feel like you need less sleep and start your day much more confidently.

• Dopamine: activates the reward system and gives a satisfied and euphoric feeling. This is also the chemical responsible for the well-known 'love is blind' effect: you enter a state of infatuation where the person you're in love with seems perfect.

• Adrenaline: causes the nervous feeling we know as butterflies in the stomach. This feeling is caused because during a stress reaction (from which adrenaline arises), the blood flow to the heart, lungs, and muscles takes precedence over the blood flow to the digestive organs. The stomach then sends a signal, which we feel as butterflies in the stomach.

• Oxytocin: is also known as the cuddle hormone and gives a safe and connected feeling. Oxytocin plays an important role in the success of long-term relationships. While the production of dopamine decreases over time and the infatuation fades, the production of oxytocin continues in a healthy relationship.

• Endorphin: has a pain-relieving effect, reduces stress, and gives a feeling of happiness. Like oxytocin, endorphin also provides a sense of calm and safety and is released during sexual intimacy, but also during exercise, pain, and short-term stress.

Whether these chemicals can also arise at a distance is not yet sufficiently known. However, there are elements of online dating that can evoke this feeling. Consider the nervous feeling when you send your first message or the cheerful feeling when you receive a message back.

Online Dating: Why or Why Not?

Online dating brings many advantages: you can present yourself in the best light, meet people you would probably never encounter in real life, and you can calmly explore whether it is worthwhile to also meet offline. However, there is a downside. Due to the large amount of choice, you become increasingly picky, and 'the grass is greener on the other side' constantly lingers in your mind. Additionally, most dating apps are designed for addiction: the constant swiping and always the chance that the next one is even better makes it difficult to stop or to seek a real connection with the matches you already have. Also, extra triggers such as a new match or a new message create a constant desire for more. More matches, more opportunities, more validation.

Move from Online to Offline

We are not love experts, but if we may give a tip: don't wait too long for an 'offline' date. Online dating can be very fun in the initial phase, but meet each other in real life as soon as possible. Take time for each other, invest in the connection. Then you'll naturally feel if it's right. Listening to your body and feelings is key, even - or especially - in love. Finding it difficult to come up with a date idea? An activity always works well! For example, take a long walk, cook together, or go (mini) golfing.

Looking for Inspiration this Valentine's Day? Be (Extra) Kind to Yourself

Whether you have a partner or not, we all deserve to feel loved. This also starts with yourself. Put yourself in the spotlight, treat yourself to something, or take yourself on a date. Not sure where to start? These gift packages will certainly provide a delightful self-care moment.

Written by: Caya Kerkhof