What do you experience when you're in love?
Being in love: perhaps the most intense feeling that exists. Butterflies in your stomach, boundless energy, and that delightful euphoric sensation. But also sleepless nights, no appetite, and a restless feeling. Falling in love is a rollercoaster! It may not sound romantic, but the feelings you experience when in love are caused by a chemical process in the body. How does that work exactly?
This is how falling in love works
The exact process of falling in love remains a mystery to science. However, research has shown that various neurotransmitters (chemical messengers active in the nervous system) play a significant role in this process. Some important ones are:
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Phenylethylamine: provides endless energy and the feeling that you can conquer the world. No wonder you feel like you need less sleep and start your day more confidently when you're in love.
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Dopamine: activates the reward system and creates a satisfied and euphoric feeling. This is also the substance that causes the well-known 'love is blind' phenomenon: you enter a love-induced state where the person you're in love with seems perfect.
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Adrenaline: causes the nervous feeling we know as butterflies in your stomach. This sensation occurs because, during a stress reaction (from which adrenaline arises), blood flow prioritises the heart, lungs, and muscles over the digestive organs. The stomach then sends a signal, which we feel as butterflies.
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Oxytocin: also known as the cuddle hormone, provides a sense of safety and connection. Oxytocin plays an important role in the success of long-term relationships. While dopamine production decreases over time and the initial infatuation fades, the production of oxytocin continues in a healthy relationship.
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Endorphins: have a pain-relieving effect, reduce stress, and create a sense of happiness. Like oxytocin, endorphins also provide a sense of calm and safety and are released during sexual intimacy, as well as during exercise, pain, and short-term stress.
In love forever?
If you look at it in black and white terms, phenylethylamine, dopamine, and adrenaline are particularly important in the early stages of developing a crush. Oxytocin and endorphins also play a role in the beginning but are crucial for the development of a long-term relationship. After about 1.5 to 3 years, dopamine levels return to normal in the body, and you gradually start to see the less appealing sides of your partner. Back to reality! This is a crucial phase where infatuation either transitions into love or fades away. Love between two people is, of course, not solely defined by these five neurotransmitters but is dependent on many other chemical messengers and factors. There is still much that we don't know about this area. That is precisely the magic of love.
Online dating: why or why not
Where once sparks flew in the pub, nowadays this increasingly happens online. The statistics don't lie: one in three singles engages in online dating, and 14% of Dutch couples met online (CBS). We swipe, like, and chat in hopes of finding that one feeling: love. It's time to briefly consider online dating: what are the pros and cons?
Online, you can present your best self, meet people you might never encounter in real life, and explore whether it's worth meeting offline. However, there is a downside. The vast array of choices makes you increasingly picky, and the thought that 'the grass is greener on the other side' constantly lingers. Moreover, most dating apps are designed to be addictive: the constant swiping and the possibility that the next person might be better make it difficult to stop or to seek a real connection with the matches you already have. Additional triggers like a new match or a new message create a constant desire for more. More matches, more opportunities, more validation.
From online to offline
Our tip: don't wait too long for an 'offline' date. Online dating can be fun in the early stages, but meet each other in person as soon as possible. Take time for each other, invest in the connection. Then you'll naturally feel if it's right. Listening to your body and feelings is key, especially - or precisely - in love.
Love more
Love is something to share. With your partner, children, friends, or pet. But also: a compliment to your colleague, a chat with the neighbour, or pampering yourself. Because: you can't pour from an empty cup! Take good care of yourself, incorporate daily relaxation so that you can then energetically brighten others' days.
